"I Don't want to work, I just want to bang little boys all day..."

Last Updated 10-24-97

Okay, kiddies, don't be frightened. I haven't taken a perverted turn for the worse. I have found a group of people to hose on that are more pathetic than a convention full of trekkies, more pathetic than a room full of Japanese Animation addicts, and more goofy than all the Marvel Comics dweebs in the U.S. Who are these people? Who could be more pathetic than people who live in their own little fantasy worlds? Why it's Pedophiles, of course!

Some people might be curious as to how I can actually make fun of a subject like pedophilia -- a subject so full of pain and misery. Well, You obviously do not make fun of the victims. That would be as tasteless as blaming Hitler's Final Solution on the Jews that were liberated from the extermination camps. It just doesn't go over very well. So what you have to do instead is poke fun at the purpetrators. People didn't make fun of Jeff Dahmers meals... Uh, victims. They made fun of him and his habits. So here I go...

Ever have one of those days when you're bored out of your skull, and you download the complete list of newsgroups from your ISP, and just browse through them to see what's out there? Well, I always knew that there were plenty of groups in the alt.binaries grouping, but I never thought I'd come across groups like:


What would you think are in these newsgroups?

Do you really want to know what's in these newsgroups?

Would you be embarrassed to get caught looking at these newsgroups?

Being the curious individualist that I am, I browsed through these groups to see if I could find something to poke fun at. I didn't have to look hard at all! In fact, the very first message in the very first newsgroup was enough to make me fall off my chair in laughter. Check it out. (In the large window)

Now after reading this, I immediately clicked on their web site . Yep. They are for real. They say:

"Free Spirits is dedicated to promoting open communication among boylovers, the most underserved and misunderstood sexual minority remaining in today's human society. Free Spirits sponsors various means through which the international boylove movement can hold ongoing discussions, provide mutual support, and educate the rest of society about this diverse and responsible community."

Translation: "Free Spirits is dedicated to promoting open communication among pederasts, the most slimey and mentally ill sexual perverts remaining in today's human society. Free Spirits sponsors various means through which the international pedophile movement can hold ongoing discussions (on the best methods to lure and take advantage of little children) , provide mutual support, and spread propaganda to the rest of society about this perverse and creepy community."

They claim that the world misunderstands pedophiles. Yeah, we really misunderstand it when these people lure little boys away so that they can molest them, then tell them that if they say anything about it to anyone, that "something bad will happen to their mommy and daddy." Yeah -- somehow it's not really what it seems. The children somehow want to be confused, violated, and told that their parents will get hurt if anyone finds out. They want to go to psychotherapy sessions when they become adults, and want to have adult sexual dysfunctions and psychological problems. Yes, we just didn't see that, did we. I guess we're just so blind to the "sexual needs and desires of children!"

Ever hear of The pedophile Liberation Front? These guys claim "In this sense, pedophilia is truly revolutionary, and as such it poses a real threat to society."

Oh, really? So Pedophiles are not a threat because of the anal abuse they inflict on little boys, or for the psychological damage that festers in these boys as they grow up? So all of those Catholic priests who are being outed for pedophilia all across the country, and all of those creepy-looking trolls that we see on the news being hauled off to prison for raping and/or killing little kids, are really more like George Washington and Martin Luther King -- They're revolutionaries?

I dunno, but I don't think there is any comparison between the civil rights protests of the 50's and 60's, and the fight for pedophile's "rights". For one thing, Black people struggling for civil rights didn't fight for the right to cause physical or psychological damage to anyone -- They fought to be allowed to have the same opportunities as any other Americans. Pedophiles fighting for their "right" to have sex with children is more akin to the Ku Klux Klan fighting for their "right" to harrass and torment black people, or wife-beaters fighting for their "right" to abuse women.

This Creepy Troll sums it all up pretty well. he says: "Well, what if someone said that to you, about what you are attracted to? I mean really take some time and think about that. You are being told that you can not even be near what your skin longs to touch. You would find a way anyway, and if rape seemed like your last option, you would do it."

Awwww... now that just put tears in my eyes, kiddies. These poor boy-bangers are forced to rape kids because they are so *sniff* MISUNDERSTOOD.

If you read his little essay on being a boylover, nowhere does he talk about the feelings or desires of the little boys that he might be attracted to. In fact, he reasons that because our society doesn't pursue and prosecute men who control women and treat them as sex objects, that it's okay for him to control little boys and have sex with them.

We're supposed feel sorry for these creeps because our taboos Force them to resort to rape. Yeah right -- like so many poor thugs are forced to steal cars and rob banks, just because of our societal taboos against stealing and robbing. Why, we should just open up all the prisons right now, and give a nation-wide group hug to all these poor, misunderstood criminals... uh, sorry -- victims of society. We can call it "Hugs for Thugs".

Then we have the Photos that many of these perverted trolls collect and drool over. Would you guess that most of the time when cops round up Pedohiles, that most of their picture collections simply involve clippings from children's fashion magazines, particularly swimsuit and underwear sections? The FBI rarely finds a good stash of illegal kiddie-porn, mainly because it's hard to obtain, produce, and keep secret. Most pedophiles get their stiffies by going through the Sears catalog or weekly circulars. Hey, whatever yanks yer crank, I guess... But that's all that most pedophiles manage to do, isn't it -- just yank their own cranks, while drooling over pictures of little bare-chested boys in bathing suits.

So that brings us to the end of a good hosing. I expect that some of these retards might not like what I have to say about them, so I invite them to send me HATE MAIL about what a prejudiced asshole I am. Trekkies and religious nuts know that I love hate mail!
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